One of my rituals for each new year is to choose a word to influence me for the year. My word for 2011 is EXPERIMENT. To support my EXPERIMENTAL focus, I commit to post the results of a new experiment each Sunday of this year.
If you’re reading this, one day you will no longer be alive.
If you’re reading this, you have a choice about how to live in The Gap between the two.
I’m calling my experiment this week 40 Minutes. Stick with me here and I’ll try to explain.
Like so many of you out there, my family is in turmoil these days, as we live into the experience of stage 4 cancer. Some of us are in denial. Some are angry. Some are trying to stay incredibly busy. Some are so distraught they can’t do anything. And some, like me, fluctuate between all of these at any given moment.
Last week, I found myself putting way too much energy into trying to help everyone else Deal With It better. Then I realized that wasn’t working for any of us. So I started just trying to Deal With It myself. I can pull that off about 40 given minutes out of 60. Those 40 minutes feel pretty raw and holy and grateful. Who knows, maybe I’ll work my way up to 50 minutes – or at least 47.
In the meantime, I’ve already learned a life changing lesson about myself. I know I’ve let the events of Those Other 20 Minutes take command when I have a knot in my stomach. So during this time in the Gap, I’m going to pay attention to that knot. And when it’s been there too long, I’m going to do whatever I need to do to get rid of it. Then I can move back into the 40 Minute Zone and be of help to my sister, myself , my family, friends and that guy who works at the KFC in Burgaw. He’s probably still wondering why I started crying when he asked if my order was for here or to go.
What 40 Mintues/Gap/or Knot stories do you have to share?